Today let’s talk about the three rules for dating consciously. These are all about getting the date! Read on…
We are our most anxious when we meet or see someone we are attracted to and would like to get to know better.
In the arena of relationships, you may have heard that the third time is the charm. Well let’s look at how this can work for you.
The Rule of Three in Conscious Dating says that when you meet a woman who is attractive to you, it takes at least three contacts to determine mutual interest and create the comfort zone needed to get to a date.
This contradicts the idea of speedy connections and conquests with manipulation and asks you to bring your real self into the process of asking someone out.
So let’s look at an example:
Let’s say you are attracted to a teller at your bank. Your gaydar is going off and she is obviously gay. Flirting is an option. You could start with your favorite pick-up line (ok, only if you have one right?) and ask, “So what time do you get off today?”
Of course, this might not be well received by the woman working there and you should anticipate this. Many women are put off by such a direct hit.
So, what do you do? Try the Rule of Three.
Rule #1 of Three Rules for Dating Consciously: Make Your First Contact
You walk up to her; you smile and make eye contact. Introduce yourself and since she has a name tag on you can say something like – “Hi, I’m Mary, it’s nice to see you here today Jane.”
Make small talk, pay her a compliment while she handles your deposit or withdrawal or payment or whatever she’s doing for you. Say anything that is light, easy and friendly. It is OK to talk about the weather too.
Something like – “Great haircut, where do you get your hair cut?” or “It’s great to see such a friendly smile in my bank.” Or perhaps, “I really like your ring or earrings. Where did you find them?” If she says, her partner bought them for her, you’ve got that question answered quickly!
Use a light, subtle approach. You’re friendly, warm and engaging. Your goal is to walk away having left a positive impression.
Rule #2 of Three Rules for Dating Consciously: Make Your Second Contact
Return to the bank within 24-48 hours. Now that you are on a first name basis, you can start with small talk and add some personal sharing about something important to you (and related to your relationship requirements), such as your children, your work or how you spend your free time.
Note her reaction. Was Jane the Teller positive, neutral or negative? Since you have now revealed something personal about yourself first, you can ask her something like, “Do you have kids?”
You want to do three things during this second contact:
1. Discover whether you have anything in common, especially an important requirement.
2. Confirm your attraction and interest after discovering something real about Jane.
3. Leave another positive impression, this time based on something real about you.
Rule #3 of Three Rules of Dating Consciously: Make Your Third Contact
I really enjoy talking with you and it seems we have a lot in common. Would be interested and available to meet for coffee sometime?”
Return to the bank within 24-48 hours. Now it will be like a reunion between old friends. Talk a bit more about what you have in common. Towards the end of your transaction say, “I really enjoy talking with you and it seems we have a lot in common. Would be interested and available to meet for coffee sometime?”
Notice what this statement does. You are being clear about your interest. And you are clearly asking about her interest and availability.
Asking in this way is friendly, non-threatening and respectful. You are giving her lots of room to decline easily and gracefully. Most women will be flattered in your interest.
Don’t worry that Jane will take your request the wrong way. If she says no, she is screening herself out and she’s not the one for you anyway. And you are being authentically and innocently friendly.
The key for you is to not be attached to the outcome. Be attached to your authenticity and to being respectful of her response.
By not being attached to the outcome you will be fine either way. But we can all agree, that if she says yes you’re heart will beat a little faster and you’ll have a big smile on your face.
If she says no, smile anyway. Whatever her reasons for saying no, be ready to respond with something like, “No problem. Enjoy your day Jane and I’ll see you next time I’m in. “
That’s it, a simple formula to asking Jane out. Or any other woman you’ve found interesting and can meet in this fashion.
Next time, we’ll talk about alternatives to this formula. There are a few so don’t worry. We’ll keep working it through a number of scenarios.
What do you think? Have you tried this before? What happened? I invite you to share with me and the other readers here at Gay Girl Dating Coach in the comments section.
And if you go out and try it this week be sure and come back here and tell us about it!
Warm hugs and much love going your way!
Mary Gorham Malia is a gay girl who’s passed the age of 50, survived menopause, hot flashes and night sweats, raised two children, came out later in life and divorced, grew from being a baby dyke to a lesbian with many dating experiences, has been rescued from cubicle nation and now finds the wisdom of being a bit older as the salvation she always wanted. She’s gone from being lost and late to lesbian life to being a seasoned life traveler who has a commitment to reach out to the lesbian nation and make a difference for lgbt women.
Her business, Gay Girl Dating, LLC, was founded on the belief that lesbian, gay, queer, bi and transgender women can live extraordinary lives when they understand the principles and practices that make life great and put these practices into action in their own lives.
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