Breaking up happens. Lesbians break up. No one likes it but it happens.

You start dating a gay girl and then you move into that mini-marriage stage of a relationship and 8 weeks later you’re living together.

You both started with good intentions. You were both doing the best you could with what you’ve got for relationship and communication skills but it all goes south, down the river, kaput, blows up and over all ends badly.

You know what I mean. There are the break-ups that turn into restraining orders. Most of the time this is overblown drama but every once in a while it really is necessary.

There was a lesbian I knew in Austin. She met a woman; they started living together within six weeks of meeting. (Can you say disaster in the making?) And it lasted about four months.

Both of these women met right after breaking up with a previous partner.

They both owned property with their previous partners. They were both “committed” in those previous relationships. They were both suing their previous partners for custody of children, money or property.

And here they were moving in with a virtual stranger in a flash. Then they went out and bought wedding rings.

During the very messy break-up one of them got a little over zealous and threw both rings into the disposal and turned it on while screaming at the other woman that she was crazy. I’m thinking they were both a little crazy. What do you think?

Nothing about that break-up went well. The cops were called. Lawyers got involved. One of them lost her job for hacking the others email at work. Total mayhem for no good reason. Except we hate losing control and we don’t want to be the one left behind.

The sad part was that the woman I knew the best of the two, really wanted to break up. She knew she’d made a mistake, but instead of going quietly she turned the break up into a war zone.

In my short lesbian life, I’ve had a number of break-ups. Some were loud and messy while others were quiet but equally painful.

When my first lesbian love relationship ended I thought I would die. I was so enraptured with her. I was so completely out of my mind in love with her that I didn’t think I’d ever get over her. The relationship didn’t even last that long, I just really believed she was the woman I’d dreamed about for so many years when I was young and while I was married.  We never fought but the relationship was ended quietly by her in a conversation while we sat on her front steps.

I thought I’d die. I didn’t. I thought I’d never find love again. I did. I thought I’d never get over her. I did. I thought she’s come after me. She didn’t. She went right back to her ex-girlfriend who she’d never gotten over and was seeing while I was dating her.

I was sure I’d made the biggest mistake of my life.

That was not true! It took me a while to figure that out and to believe it but here I am 12 years later pretty darn sure that one of the best things that happened to me was that break up.

She was never over her previous girlfriend. Every thing we did was measured around not running into that her ex while at the same time making sure she had access to the house for her tools, visiting the kids and fixing stuff.

Yeah, the writing was on the wall wasn’t it? How many times have you done that. Gotten involved with someone who isn’t done with her ex. Gotten involved with what appears to be a free and available gay girl only to learn she’s still deeply involved with her ex around finances, titles to property or cars, long term storage of stuff or emotional support with long phone calls and running out the door to help the ex out of a jam.

Lesbians break-up all the time but that doesn’t mean ALL lesbians are breaking up.

Have you had a recent break up? Then you’re hurting and adjusting to a new life. Perhaps you’re not hurting that much but you still have to figure out what needs to change in your dating and love life.

Making changes starts with taking total responsibility for yourself and your emotions. That means stop blaming your ex for how you feel. Only you are responsible for how you feel. You are the one creating your emotions.

That might sound far-fetched but it is TRUE.

If you want to learn more about how you can shift your emotions read this article.

If you want to learn more about smart dating practices, read this article.

If you want to learn more about loving yourself first, read this article.

As a dating coach, I’ve been writing about lesbian dating and love for the last 18 months. I’ve written over 150 articles and I invite you to spend some time here on Gay Girl Dating Coach reading and learning the secrets to changing your life not just how you date.

Take a minute to leave me a comment and share your thoughts on break -ups. What can a woman to do make it easier?

I’m glad you’re here. Let’s enjoy the ride and enjoy the moment.

Mary Gorham Malia is a gay girl who’s passed the age of 50, survived menopause, hot flashes and night sweats, raised two children, came out later in life and divorced, grew from being a baby dyke to a lesbian with many dating experiences, has been rescued from cubicle nation and now finds the wisdom of being a bit older as the salvation she always wanted. She’s gone from being lost and late to lesbian life to being a seasoned life traveler who has a commitment to reach out to the lesbian nation and make a difference for lgbt women.

Her business, Gay Girl Dating, LLC, was founded on the belief that lesbian, gay, queer, bi and transgender women can live extraordinary lives when they understand the principles and practices that make life great and put these practices into action in their own lives.

Gay Girl Dating Coach, LLC | PO Box 10924 | Portland, ME 04104 |

| Office: 512-522-7494 |