I’ve got to ask you directly if you are discouraged about dating lesbians? I’m meeting so many women that tell me not only are they single but they haven’t had a date in years!
Well that’s pretty discouraging isn’t it?
Why Dating Can Be Discouraging
When I then ask if they are looking online to date, I get many different responses. Some women say they would never look online. Other women tell me that the whole thought of going online is intimidating and scary. Still another story I hear a lot is, “I’m online and connecting with women but no one responds back to me.”
If you are a gay girl that’s not having a lot of luck, I get it. It’s discouraging. Dating to find a great match is like looking for a job. In the short term, it can be really discouraging, but in the long term it is deeply rewarding when you find an amazing lesbian you can call your own.
Others tell me that they are tired of meeting women who then just disappear. That gets old. It’s disappointing and discouraging. It’s enough to make you just stay home to watch the game with your dog.
Here’s the next big question for me. Why does that happen?
Some of you might say its because you’re tired of being disappointed. Yeah, I get it. The work involved in being online and finding women you want to connect with or going out to events to see new faces can take a lot of time and be full of disappointments. So paying attention to your own internal expectations is important.
We often set ourselves up by running ahead into the future with someone we haven’t even met or someone we’ve barely begun to know. Many women seem to have a deep dislike for just being in the moment when it comes to dating.
Many of you want to know something is going to work right away or you see it as a waste of your time. Um, can I say poor manners on your part and perhaps that’s not a very mature approach to dating.
Does Your Need for Certainty Create Discouragement in Dating?
As a human being, you have a significant need for certainty and dating is a very uncertain process. When you meet someone special, you rush ahead and run the movie in your head because you want to create certainty. You want to believe you can see where “this” is going even before you’re a couple.
Once you’re out of high school and college, meeting Ms. Right takes a lot more work because you’re not spending a lot of time around your peers. If you’re working in a big office or someplace where you get to meet lots of women regularly, that can make it easier.
If you’re like so many women I know, you don’t meet many new people at work, you don’t go out to social events very often, you might work for yourself and not see people at all and you’re more of an introvert so staying home always feels better than venturing out.
Let me say this here once, Ms. Right is not going to show up and knock on your front door. I think if I could get all the lesbians that are hanging out at home out to an event, there would be thousands of amazing women to meet and you’d find Ms. Right in a snap. I’ll get to work on that, ok?
In the meantime, you’ve got to decide finding love is as important as finding a job to pay your bills. Then start making that same kind of effort. Put time into making contact with lesbians and showing up where they’ll be hanging out.
The Law of Attraction + The Power of Action = Amazing Results
I believe in the law of attraction plus the power of action! What I don’t believe is that you can just sit at home and do nothing. You have to take action and create energy in your life to find love and relationship.
What are you doing? If you tell me that you’re making contact with women online and not getting any responses, then I’m going to encourage you to keep at it. Don’t give up. Don’t let the discouragement of the moment stop you from taking ongoing action.
You want a relationship. You want a partner, wife, spouse, significant other, civil union mate, lover and more. You have to take action.
Here’s a list of things you can take action on today if you are discouraged about dating lesbians:
- If you haven’t already, join an online dating site. Ok Cupid is free, start there and get it done.
- Make sure you’ve got at least two pictures of you included on your profile. Profiles with pictures get more action.
- One picture that has your face in it
- Another picture that shows your body. If you’re hot, great. If you’re not, great. The idea is that you’re not leaving that part up to guessing.
- Get involved with meetup.com. Join multiple groups in your area. They don’t all have to be lesbian focused but could include other things you are interested in like meditation, hiking or dining out. So you meet people who have similar interests. Guess what, there might be lesbians there! Or their straight friends!
- GO TO THE EVENTS that the meetup groups hold.
- CONTACT WOMEN ONLINE EVERY WEEK!
- Find your local lgbt nonprofits and show up and get involved.
- Get involved with your state’s efforts to legalize gay marriage. You’ll meet lots and lots of women this way. Yes, many in relationships but many who are single too!
- Find your local animal shelter and get involved. We all know lesbians love their animals and they volunteer to help out animals too!
- Learn to play golf, softball, or basketball. Get involved with a league or team. There are gay girls hanging around these sports all the time.
- Look for the local potlucks, dances and other events that are lesbian focused and go!
- Host a party and invite every single woman you know, plus ask your friends who they know that is single. Host a singles only event! If you get the word out, you might be surprised just how far some women will drive for a singles event.
Finally, get all cleaned up and get in your car and go. It won’t make any difference is you don’t show up. You actually have to DO IT! Are you listening?
Am I making myself clear? You must get out and meet women. You must make contact with women who are online and who are attending events because they ARE SINGLE AND LOOKING.
I work with my clients to help them get clear on what they want in a relationship but also to take ongoing and consistent action. It is discouraging. We all get discouraged but that’s not a reason to quit. That’s a FEELING. That’s all it is. Our feelings aren’t the truth, they are emotions passing through our bodies because of what we think.
Don’t give yourself permission to quit. Yeah, quitting feels good for a few days or a couple of weeks and then you’re lonely again. Commit to yourself to stay focused and take action every week.
If you’ll consistently get out, try new things, commit and show-up you will meet that someone special and it won’t take forever.
Push past discouragement. Don’t let the “NO’s” get you down. Count each NO as taking you one step closer to that big YES to love in your life.
What are you willing to do?
What action are you going to take today?
Will you get online?
Who’s going to host a singles event?
Who’s going to learn how to play golf?
What’s your great idea?
Share it here now.
Mary Gorham Malia is a gay girl who’s passed the age of 50, survived menopause, hot flashes and night sweats, raised two children, came out later in life and divorced, grew from being a baby dyke to a lesbian with many dating experiences, has been rescued from cubicle nation and now finds the wisdom of being a bit older as the salvation she always wanted. She’s gone from being lost and late to lesbian life to being a seasoned life traveler who has a commitment to reach out to the lesbian nation and make a difference for lgbt women.
Her business, Gay Girl Dating, LLC, was founded on the belief that lesbian, gay, queer, bi and transgender women can live extraordinary lives when they understand the principles and practices that make life great and put these practices into action in their own lives.
Gay Girl Dating Coach, LLC | PO Box 10924 | Portland, ME 04104 |
| Office: 512-522-7494 |
© 2012 Gay Girl Dating Coach, LLC
Unauthorized duplication or publication of any materials from this site is expressly prohibited.
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