Help For Shy Lesbians
Being shy is painful. It’s also lonely.
It keeps you trapped and unable to live life and enjoy the endless possibilities that come from meeting new people.
It can be the kiss of death if your shyness keeps you from being able to meet someone and develop a relationship.
Psychology Today defines shyness as “the awkwardness or apprehension some people feel when approaching or being approached by other people. Unlike introverts, who feel energized by time alone, shy people often desperately want to connect with others, but don’t know how or can’t tolerate the anxiety that comes with human interaction.”
Shyness can show up as butterflies, trembling, shaking, nausea, dry mouth, feeling like you’re out of your body or not being able to speak for example. All of these behaviors and more are what create difficulty for a shy lesbian and impact your ability to connect with others, including that hot gay girl you’d like to ask out.
Are Shy Lesbians the Same As Introverted Lesbians?
Introverts are individuals who feel drained after spending time around a lot of people, that’s not the same as being afraid to be around others. If you’re an introverted gay girl, you enjoy your alone time, rarely feel lonely and need time alone to recharge your batteries. Spending time with a lot of people is ok for you, you just find that the energy of a crowd drains you quickly.
Introverts enjoy parties but prefer to find a seat in the corner and people watch. That’s actually fun for an introvert. You don’t mind meeting new people, you’re open to talking to lots of people. You might even be someone who is up in front of people often.
Clearly introverts are not afraid of people or situations. Shy gay girls are afraid of many common interpersonal situations. Shyness actually shows up as discomfort that stops a shy gay girl from pursuing her goals in life. It can stop you from asking someone out, getting a job or going to a meetup event where you have the chance to do something you really love to do.
Shy is not the same as introverted though introverts can also be shy.
Shy introverts may have one good friend or sometimes no friends at all because being shy keeps you from being able to connect at all.
I was a very shy introvert for many years. I had non-stop conversations in my head about how other people didn’t like me, how whatever I would say was going to sound stupid or that I better not move because I’d trip, fall down and people would laugh at me.
Now, did you notice that my shy self-talk was totally focused on me. Yeah, that’s right. Shyness is being totally self-focused with a lot of “lack of self esteem” thrown in to the mix.
One thing I’ve learned is that no one is paying that much attention to me, ever!
Nobody Thinks Extroverts Are Shy – Wrong!
There are shy extroverts. That’s a person who performs well socially, but experiences painful thoughts and feelings about being social.
Shy extroverts probably have it the worst because it takes being around people and interacting for extroverts to get their “feeling good” bucket filled up but all the while you’re having unpleasant thoughts about yourself that focus on how much others accept and like you.
Nobody thinks extroverts are shy. Extroverts generally are more verbal than introverts. Extroverts like talking, a lot. and love being around lots of people. Extroverts get energized by engaging with others. It’s the exact opposite of introverts.
Shyness Can limit The Quality of Life You Have
Shyness becomes a habitual behavior because you practice it over and over. You identify yourself as shy versus seeing it as behavior that can be changed by adopting new practices.
What if you decided to stop calling yourself shy? What if you decided shy is just a behavior you’ve become really good at and you are smart enough to learn a new behavior. Yes, you can!
Now what about identifying a new behavior you an practice instead of your shy behavior? What could that be?
What Can A Shy Gay Girl Do?
How can you break out of this box and start to make connections?
Let me give you a couple of ideas:
1.Use the process of visualization and simulation to create a new feeling pattern in yourself. Let’s say you pick switching one of your shy behavior’s for a more outward focused behavior.
Start to visualize your self talking to someone else in a public setting. Create a scenario in your head. Try this one… See yourself walking up to the barista in a Starbucks Coffee Shop. See yourself ordering a latte and then see yourself saying something to the barista like, “Hey, I really like that top/shirt or pants or haircut. Where did you get it?” See yourself as feeling calm. While you are visualizing, create the feeling of calmness.
Now visualize the barista telling you about the shirt/top/pants/haircut and thanking you for asking. Now feel that calmness again then ask another question, “Are the brownies/bagels/pastries/cakes fresh today?” And see the barista answering you. Now go back to the feeling of calm.
By using visualization (also known as simulation) you start to create more feelings of calmness or peacefulness as you see yourself interact with people effectively. You use your imagination ( a very powerful tool) to see yourself doing well talking to others instead of seeing it being a horrible experience.
Start small. Just one person and do it over and over. Use the power of your imagination to create a whole new way of feeling.
Shyness as an adult is a deeply formed habit pattern that can be shifted with focus. You can start to interact more calmly with others.
2. Take an Acting Class! Yes, really. This is a powerful experience that will help you reset your shyness scale from not being able to interact to finding your inner extrovert and not shy at all gay girl persona. I have a dear friend who was so shy and stuttered badly who did an Acting Class and a Comedy Class. In a year she went from unable to talk to anyone to winning the Amateur Comic Competition in our small city. That wasn’t her original goal in taking the class but it’s totally changed her life. If it’s not an acting class, how about any adult class that’s going to give you the chance to interact with others in a safe and controlled environment.
Instead of saying no immediately, get curious! Get curious and ask yourself, Why not? Why not do something different with my life and finally get a different result? Is it possible I don’t have to be afraid?
I hope you’ll give one of these ideas a try. Breaking out from shyness to just being an introvert is possible! I know, I’ve done it just this way.
