January is over. The Ravens won the Super Bowl. Beyonce brought Destiny’s Child back together for the big moment. But what have you done so far with this new year of 2013 that is getting to be an old year fast?
What do you want to change or accomplish this year? Have you gotten off your butt to make things happen yet or are you in winter hibernate mode? Hibernation is big in the northern hemisphere this time of year. Days are short, nights are long and it’s damn cold many days.
Yet, each day represents a sliver of your life. The opportunity to do many things, create many things, feel so much that is beautiful and good. What are you doing with each of these slivers?
Get Your Butt Off The Couch!I assume that you are reading this because you are 1) single and 2) a gay girl and 3) want a relationship. Fourth and finally, not just any relationship (you’ve already done that) but you want to be in a loving passionate relationship with a lesbian who is also your best friend. Have I got that right?
In order to get to that loving and passionate relationship, you’re going to have to take a chance on dating some women who are probably strangers. For many of you, that’s a hard first step because in order to get a date, you have to ask someone out on a date. Oh yeah, that.
You might prefer to wait. Wait for someone else to ask you out. Let them take the big risk of rejection. You feel safer that way. I know this. You are also wondering why no one is asking you out right? Well because, that other gay girl is waiting for someone to ask her out too. Can you see the problem here? If no one is willing to take a chance and ask, then none of you are going to be dating.
So someone has to be the risk taker. It should be you. Why? Because it’s you owning your life, owning your happiness and taking action. Nothing in your single gay girl life is going to change until you set a goal and take some action. If you want things to change, you have to start doing something different!
Sometimes it’s an event like Speed Dating. Other times you might consider working with me in my entry level program – Lesbian Love Inner Circle. And if you’re a subscriber to my list, check out last weeks email I sent you. There’s a special offer for the Inner Circle that isn’t available to everyone.
How do you go from overweight and weak to fit and strong – you set a goal then you make a commitment and then you take action – consistently and every day without stopping.
How do you go from not having enough education to a college degree that gets you a great job – you set a goal then you make a commitment and then you take action – consistently every day until its done and you get to walk down the aisle and grab your diploma.
I didn’t finish my college degree until I was 43. I went back to school at 41 and every Saturday for two years I was in class, writing a 10 – 20 page paper every week and working full time with two children at home. I stayed up every Friday night for as long as it took to finish those papers and spent every Sunday in the library getting my research done for the week.
I set a goal. I made a commitment to it, took action and did it. I’ve never regretted the effort but it damn near wore me out. That commitment to action changed my life. My income tripled over the next few years because of that degree (I wasn’t making much to start with) and I realized I could support myself and my children on my own for the first time in my life. That change in my circumstances was instrumental in my finding the courage to face my truth, divorce my husband and come out.
The goal I set was to finish my college degree but the impact to the rest of my life was not planned at the same time. I didn’t realize how it would impact my marriage, my children or myself. I had no idea what would open up to me because I set a goal, set a deadline, took action and completed it. I’ve met amazing people and gone so many places because I took action and did what I could right where I was.
The first class I had to take when I returned to college was on career planning. I’d never really had a plan before. I’d just gone from one thing to another. While sitting in that class, I discovered that I could set goals and create a life vision. The lessons from that class were probably the most powerful to me over the long term. One big result of setting the goal to finish college was that I eventually came out and left my marriage.
What about you? Do you know that you can set goals? Do you? Do you do more than just daydream about finding love? Do you want to have a plan for finding love? Do you want to take your life from where it is to something different? In my Lesbian Love Inner Circle, we work on goal setting, mind sets and the practical steps of dating.
Some of you are great with goals and getting things done. You can’t imagine just sitting around and not accomplishing something every day. I commend you on that drive. Do you have a plan for love? Any goals for being ready and able to love?
There are others reading this that are not as driven but perhaps need to put a little more energy towards painting that picture of what you want life to be. I spent years using a vision board. You know – pictures pulled out of magazines and glued to a piece of poster board and hung on the wall to be looked at daily. I believe in using your imagination which is connected to your sub-conscious mind to help you reach your goals. Especially the big ones.
I also believe in making lists and taking action. How about you?
I don’t believe in New Year’s Resolutions. Research shows they don’t work, only about 3% of people stick to their resolutions. Research also shows that people who SET goals, come up with a PLAN and take action are far more likely to make it happen.
If your goal is to be in a loving passionate relationship with your best friend this year, then you are going to have to come up with a plan and take action. And yes, you can plan for love and you can take actions to move towards it. You can do many things this year to get ready, be available and be out and about in order to meet that amazing gay girl.
So you noticed that I said I don’t like New Year’s Resolutions, but it sort of sounds like I’m talking about just that. I’m not, but this time of year we are conditioned to expect to make resolutions for change so what I’m doing is taking advantage of the season.
I’ve got clear goals for this year and the next five years. Goals for how I want to be in my relationship. How I want to be available, express love and commitment and have fun. I have goals for my fitness level and weight. I’ve got goals for Gay Girl Dating Coach and how I want to impact the lesbian world. I’ve got plans for helping my daughter with college expenses. I’ve got goals for working with my limiting beliefs and mindsets and a coach to help me with that process and hold me accountable. What about you?
Most of my goals have deadlines. Otherwise they aren’t goals, just ideas in my head. Now having deadlines doesn’t guarantee I make all of them. I give myself the right to be flexible and make room for “life.” Life happens and often can upset our little apple carts. But what I do know, is that having goals means I’m further down the road than if I had none! Learning to set goals and take action totally changed my life.
What are your goals? You do have some right? Goals will keep you on target when things get crazy. Is your target an amazing gay girl to love and be in relationship with? Then you can work on mini-goals to move you closer to that goal.
So this year, decide to get off the couch, turn off the TV and get out and create the life you want. It’s waiting for you. I promise.
Finding the right girl! What a great goal. I love it. Tell me your goals in the comments section below. I’ve got an upcoming tele-seminar where I’ll be talking about goal setting. Details coming soon.
Till then join me on Facebook and share one of your goals for the next 12 months.
About Mary Gorham Malia:
Mary Gorham Malia is a gay girl who’s passed the age of 50, survived menopause, hot flashes and night sweats, raised two children, came out later in life, divorced, grew from being a baby dyke to a lesbian with many dating experiences, has been rescued from cubicle nation and now finds the wisdom of being a bit older as the salvation she always wanted. She’s gone from lost and angry teenager to seasoned life traveler who has a commitment to reach out to the lesbian nation and make a difference for lgbt women.
As the founder and organizer of lesbian focused community groups in multiple states, with members numbering in the thousands, she brings her unique philosophies to women dating women wherever she can. Her unique focus is as a ”Step by Step You Can Live an Extraordinary Life” Gay Girl Dating Coach because happiness is more than a date!
She is committed to serving the gay girl community anywhere and everywhere it is in order to support women in being their most brilliant selves and creating extraordinary lives. Her focus on authenticity, humor and daring to dream show up in her writing and speaking and in her own life as well. Not only does she teach women how to date 21st century style but she also works with business owners and executives across many industries including marketing, health services, nonprofits, and technology.
Her business, Gay Girl Dating, LLC, was founded on the belief that lesbian, gay, queer, bi and transgender women can live extraordinary lives when they understand the principles and practices that make life great and put these practices into action in their own lives.
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