Today I want to share my number one lesbian dating tip – pay attention to your inner game.
It’s crucial to your personal well-being.
We all need a vacation from the intensity of life and work at times.
We need to rest, refresh and revive our selves with deep self care from time to time.
If you’ve been following Gay Girl Dating Coach for a while, you know I’m always coaching you to take action to meet women but also to always be paying attention to how you are feeling, what you are thinking and the choices you are making.
Every day you wake up and every day you have to make decisions. Some are great, some are good, some really suck.
Sometimes you get to be brilliant and other days you wonder if you’re vitamins were actually stupid pills.
Has that ever happened to you?
Last week I was heading out on vacation. I traveled with my good friend Sharon, who I’ve vacationed with in the past. It’s 4:30 in the morning, I’m at her house and thought I’d just check again to make sure I had my passport. OOPS!!! No passport. I was flabbergasted to say the least. I was sure I’d packed it.
I went through my two small carry on bags and my wallet. Three times. No passport. No license. Damn.
At this point, you can bet I was saying a few more things than damn!! I’m a seasoned traveler with more than a few stamps in my passport and I always pack my passport first thing in my carry-on bag. What the heck had I done with it? Yes, I had an immediate sick feeling in my stomach.
This meant a couple of things. I was going to have to tell Sharon that we had to go back to my house and that meant missing the bus to Boston so we’d have to drive. All yucky but fortunately we had time. But telling Sharon about my mistake made me feel immediately stupid. I heard the words in my head – “you dummy!” Um, yes that was the voice of my father, the family critic.
Sharon did not respond at all like my father would have. She was not only cool but gracious about my mistake. Friends are often more gracious than our family, lovers and partners about our mistakes but that’s another story.
We jumped in her car and drove over to my place which was about a 15 minute drive. I ran in the house and had to say “damn” again! I thought my passport was sitting on my dresser but it wasn’t there. So I made myself stop for a minute and take a slow breathe. Then I slowly looked around the room.
On the floor by my closet door was a travel bag I was originally going to take and at the last minute I changed my mind and pulled out a small backpack to use instead. That was it. I had put my passport in the side pocket of that bag. I stuck my hand in the pocket and found both my license and passport. Phew!
Back in the car with Sharon and off we went. Things got a bit tight with rush hour traffic in Boston but we made our flight and enjoyed a few days of sun, relaxation, warm air, bare feet in the sand, swimming and snorkeling in a warm ocean.
What’s the point here?
1) There could have had a lot of drama about my mistake. I could have spent the rest of the day beating myself up for my mistake. Feeling guilty. Feeling embarrassed. Feeling ashamed. I didn’t do that but I found I had to consciously make that decision. I’ve got some old habits that include beating myself up for my mistakes. My honest to goodness I’m human mistakes!
It takes focus and intention to realize I’m beating on myself and then to consciously let go of it. Let it float away. Not own it, not make it about my identity and to realize it’s all OK anyway. I let go of my big travel mistake and moved on to enjoy the whole process of getting to the Virgin Islands.
2) I focused on the goal which was taking a break from our respective busy work lives. I focused on letting go of being on call, being online, being on Facebook and Twitter. I focused on having fun. (Did you notice I was missing?)
3) I was in control of how I felt about the whole thing. Yes, it was really helpful that my friend didn’t have a negative reaction. She was all about getting to the airport and wasn’t all tied up in how we got there. I could have turned this into a black cloud that hung over my head all day and for the whole trip.
Too many times vacations become nightmares because something goes wrong. But wait… that’s life isn’t it. Life is all about solving problems, fixing mistakes and learning something new.
The real gift for me was realizing what a terrific problem I was having. I was going on vacation to a totally beautiful location to rest, relax and get off the online super highway for a few days. So I’d misplaced my passport. Yes, shit happens. But in light of other events, like the bombing of the Boston Marathon, wow my life and my problems are blessings.
Take time to relax and change up the pace of your life. Take time to not think about anything. To walk barefooted on the beach or even just through your yard or your living room. Get out in nature and let her talk to you and sing to you with the sounds of birds, wind through branches, ocean waves, crickets or frogs. Change up the signal that you’re receiving all the time to something that heals and restores your soul.
In light of the Boston Marathon bombing, take a few moments during each of the next few days to send healing thoughts, prayers and energy to anyone who was injured, to those who are no longer with us because of this event and to their families and friends. We are all one. We are all wounded. We can all heal together.
Namaste,
Mary Malia is the Gay Girl Dating Coach. Her mission is to help lesbians break through the barriers to finding love and lasting relationship.
She’s been named #1 on the Top 10 Lesbian Dating Bloggers list. Mary focuses on helping you to love your gorgeous, handsome, sexy and juicy lesbian self while breaking through what holds you back from finding love, being mindful about your whole life and creating more happiness for yourself!
Mary is the founder of Gay Girl Dating Coach and the Live Your Best Lesbian Life Summit. She’s been seen on Huffington Post, Your Tango, Datingadvice.com and the Love On Purpose Revolution.
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